Tearing Off the Mask

Moving from a life of shame to a life of walking in freedom with Jesus Christ.

August 7, 2011

Filed under: August 2011,Uncategorized — tearingoffthemask @ 8:49 am
Tags: , , , , , ,

  Today, my counselor and I visited the little girl that I blogged about in my last post.  He led me to immerse myself back into the situation and let my mind lead me where it will.  My mind led me to imagine that God was there, watching me as I wept at the thought of the impending eternal damnation.  In my mind, I could see God…oddly enough, He looked like a combination of my earthly father and the Jesus we often see in pictures.  God was sad.  He rubbed my back as He tried to soothe me.  He repeatedly sang, “You are the apple, you are the apple, you are the apple of your Father’s eye.”  (If you don’t know what song I’m talking about, click here http://youtu.be/GilWu6LqHpM .)  When my counselor asked me to reflect on this, I felt as though God was beside me all along.  He was trying to comfort me, but my angst overwhelmed any sense of His presence.  I then imagined Jesus as my could-have-been-playmate.  I would run the Barbie, and He could control the Ken doll.  Of course, I always made it that Barbie and Ken fought over who got to use the car.  Jesus probably would have had them pray together and work out some sort of compromise.  These thoughts make me smile, and I think they make Him smile, too.  I think it saddens Him that so many who were and still are in the cult-church have not been able to experience His grace.  It frustrates and angers me, and I feel a sense of urgency to do something to help.  It does seem like the only way out for many people is for them to move away for college or marry someone from outside the church.  There needs to be an opportunity to see another way…a more beautiful, grace-filled way.

I wonder if this will always be my default.  If I will automatically feel fear and shame and then have to talk my way into grace-receiving thoughts.  Will I always be the scared little girl?  Or will I truthfully find my identity as His daughter without any doubts or waivering?  Today, I just need to repeat in my mind: I am the apple of His eye.  I am the apple of His eye.

 

My Cardboard Testimony July 5, 2011

Filed under: July 2011 — tearingoffthemask @ 11:16 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

http://journeytobeloved.blogspot.com/ (One woman’s journey to discovering God’s passionate love for her.)

Cardboard Testimony Lie-Speaker Now Truth-Seeker 

 I was born into a cult that hid behind the word “truth”.
But the truth was not accepted.  
We lied about who we were, what we did, and how we thought.  
I lied to avoid rejection. 
I lied to cover my sins. 
I lied to please others.  
I lied because I didn’t know what truth really was.  
We said one thing and did another. 
It was hypocrisy, and it was exhausting.  We belonged to “the truth”, but we
were going to hell–and we knew it. 
It was a helpless, miserable existence.
Then Grace came and swooped me up from the pit of despair.  
I learned that He is not who I thought He was. 
He loves me.  He wants me.  He cherishes me.
People still tell me the lies. They say I need to look better to be
accepted.  I need to have a nicer house, fancier car, better job.  I
need to talk less and laugh softer.  I need to conform to the
pretending, lying ways of the culture around me. 
I struggle today. 
I struggle to shed the lies and grasp onto the truth-but I continue to
SEEK TRUTH. 
My Jesus continues to guide me and love me…
unconditionally.