Born into a shame-based religion, I knew I was hell-bound from the time I had the language to express it. I knew that I was dull-minded, a daydreamer, and unloveable. I accepted my demise with helplessness and continued my hollow life. Then, when I was 29, I was awakened by the One who loves me. I remember this spiritual experience like it was yesterday as it is forever etched into my being. The God of hell and damnation was not. Yes, the revelation was clear: “He is not who I thought He was!” And even more profound…He wants me.
It seems like that should be it. I’ve been saved–uprooted from the hopeless existence I had come to accept. Jesus redeemed me, and now life is good. Unfortunately, it isn’t. In fact, life stinks. Shame and self-loathing were the scaffolding of my persona from birth. Although Jesus has made me a new creation, I struggle with shedding these unwanted feelings…thoughts…this identity.
The blog is for me. Selfish, isn’t it. I’m going through some intense counseling that is forcing me to face deep pain, ripping off scabs of hidden wounds. I’m hoping that the blog will help me process some of this, so that I can let it all go for good and truly live a restored life. Maybe your thoughts, words, and experiences will help me dismiss the lies that I’ve been told.