Tearing Off the Mask

Moving from a life of shame to a life of walking in freedom with Jesus Christ.

Broken. Wounded. Redeemed. June 17, 2011

Filed under: July 2011,June 2011,Uncategorized — tearingoffthemask @ 4:44 am
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Born into a shame-based religion, I knew I was hell-bound from the time I had the language to express it.  I knew that I was dull-minded, a daydreamer, and unloveable.  I accepted my demise with helplessness and continued my hollow life.  Then, when I was 29, I was awakened by the One who loves me.  I remember this spiritual experience like it was yesterday as it is forever etched into my being.  The God of hell and damnation was not. Yes, the revelation was clear: “He is not who I thought He was!”  And even more profound…He wants me. 

It seems like that should be it.  I’ve been saved–uprooted from the hopeless existence I had come to accept.  Jesus redeemed me, and now life is good.  Unfortunately, it isn’t.  In fact, life stinks.  Shame and self-loathing were the scaffolding of my persona from birth.  Although Jesus has made me a new creation, I struggle with shedding these unwanted feelings…thoughts…this identity.

The blog is for me.  Selfish, isn’t it.  I’m going through some intense counseling that is forcing me to face deep pain, ripping off scabs of hidden wounds.  I’m hoping that the blog will help me process some of this, so that I can let it all go for good and truly live a restored life.  Maybe your thoughts, words, and experiences will help me dismiss the lies that I’ve been told.

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5 Responses to “Broken. Wounded. Redeemed.”

  1. Mercy Says:

    I read your posts and am praying for you as you learn Who God really is and how He really loves you. I can totally relate to starting a new life and yet finding it full of difficulty and pain, yet in it all, I know God’s grace surrounds me. God bless.

  2. I have been where you are; through good counseling, and the Love of the Lord God and His people I am healing…You are so far ahead of many who have experienced church abuse because your heart is soft and you are looking to Jesus…..Many remain bitter and continue to be filled with anger and cannot even go to a church of any kind….so they stagnate in their own misery when He is so close and ready to receive them and heal them….Oh how rich and pure is the Love of God through His son Jesus…So glad you are on your way to complete restoration and wholeness…God bles you, Sherry

    • Oh, Sherry, thank you for your encouraging words. It is helpful for me to know of people who have overcome the grief, anger (I’ve got some), and resentment (got some of that, too). I appreciate your blog as it is difficult to find resources on the specific church I was in, and most church abuse sites are about blatant physical or sexual abuse. The mind games and brainwashing are real, however. Again, thanks. Love in Him, R

      • Dear “Tearing Off the Mask,”

        I was researching Netherlands Reformed when I discovered your site. It’s been almost a year since you’ve posted, so I don’t know if you’ll receive this or not. I wish there was a way I could contact you. I’m writing a book and would love to hear more of your struggle towards freedom in Christ. Shame can run so deeply within us, can’t it? I’m so sorry for your pain, and I hope you are growing in Christ. Jesus loves you so very much! He doesn’t want us to be victims, not even survivors. He wants us to be victory dancers for Jesus!

        I, too, was raised in the NRC, so I understand what you’re going through. When I attended a youth group there, I was spiritually, emotionally, and sexually abused by a minister. Sadly, I didn’t realize then that it was abuse. Many treated me as the “whore” who led the “poor minister of God” astray. I lived imprisoned for many years yet. When we did leave, we were treated as “lost” and “going to hell” by many.

        If you read this, please feel free to contact me.

  3. Jeana Says:

    Thank you. My boyfriend was raised in the NRC and left a few years ago. Your writing helps me better understand where he is coming from and what the NRC teaches. Very much appreciated.


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